1. Follow other people. Like. Random people.Though this is self-humiliation at its best, you have to put the sisters (pride and vanity) away.

2. Trust me. We all desire the need to be popular. Take a literature example: Jay Gatsby. Threw ridiculous parties that everyone attended. Why? Because of the alcohol, of course!

So take it this way. Your pictures are the alcoholic beverages at Gatsby’s 20’s swingin’ party. So long as they’re good, no one cares if it’s sweet, savory, sour, or downright harlot-like.

Does that make sense? Pardon my 3 am mindset, reader. Meh.

3. Be a motivational speaker. Apparently instagram has been acting as a sort of therapist for teenagers who centralize their ideologies on tumblr quotes, or love quotes that have the rapper/singer/crossover-artist-I-guess Drake in the background … when he didn’t even quote them. Seriously.

4. Hashtag —-> #



Instagram - 8
Instagram – 8 (Photo credit: BrentOzar)




5. Join insta-train.biz or some other website that has free followers. Or you know, pay 30 bucks for 2k followers who will gladly feed your self-ego. Woohoo, TOLD YOU MOM, money CAN buy happiness.

So, I hope this helped you get more followers. If not, try socializing more. Say, get out of that couch or chair or pool table or bean bag chair (yes, that’s you, John, from 1999) — and actually talk to people who like you for who you are, and not just your Gatsby-like, blitzy-lovin’ pictures. You never know. You might just meet a modern-day Daisy Buchanan.

Or you know. Carey Mulligan.



P.S. Yes, the hype on likes and followers get me too. If only I could break the acronym I’ve been using on here and use my real name.. nah. That would make Mark Twain mad.